If You’re Feeling Sinister…

12:14 am - Fri, Jan 7, 2011

4 notes

Greatest best man speech ever

A genius AskReddit collaboration:

You know, he first asked his smartest friend to be the best man, and he said no. Then he asked his funniest friend, and he too said no. And again, after being turned down by his richest friend, he finally asked his best looking friend. And, well… I figured I couldn’t tell him no four times!

I was a bit nervous coming up here though so I prepared a couple lines, but now that I’ve snorted those, I feel great! Now, I think we all know why we are all here today, fornication. …For an occasion such as the bride and groom’s wedding.

Now, I used to live with the groom when he first started seeing the bride—she was over all the time. I consider myself fortunate to have watched their love develop. When I couldn’t watch, I listened through the door. Just kidding, just kidding. But seriously, she’s good. The second she showed up he stopped fucking hookers altogether and I’ve never seen my dog look at a stranger with such gratitude.

Awkward silence

Boy it’s deader in here than that hooker from the bachelor party. Am I right? Seriously though, today has been such an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers! THE ARISTOCRATS!